Hi Angels,

It's blogging Friday and I'm still in Texas.  The weather's been awesome. My Mom grows stronger and will be able to sail her life-ship single handily soon.

Yesterday when the physical therapist visited Mom he spoke during the session with her about his 16 yr. old son.  Between working with Mom with exercises that will help her regain and strengthen balance, he shared his concern about his son. His son was very upset by the news of the co-pilot whom deliberately flew the plane he was in command of into the mountains, killing himself, and all on board.  This is a brutal unthinkable act.  Processing an act such as this, in the wake of shock and tangled emotions is even hard for adults. The 16 year old said to his father, "Dad people are so mean."   The father was taken aback by the statement and wondered out loud, "Are we creating a mean world or a sick world?" 

Personally I think meanness breeds sickness. 
And personally I feel simple answers will not work toward understanding an act such as this.

My daughter calls me from the airport tonight apprehensive about flying.  She loves to travel and yet does not like to fly.  I'm right with her.  I find flying challenging. And I too will be boarding a plane on Saturday, flying back to Maine.

It is not my intent to write about fear of flying today.  Today I'm wondering about the world we are co-creating together in the reflection of that teenagers observation and statement: "People are so mean."  A world where my mother matter of fact-ly answers, "People are mean." My mother, a survivor, whose family escaped from Nazi Germany knows people can be mean.

We are mean to each other and ourselves. We all know this. 

I keep turning to the Dali Lama's words, "Be a little kinder to each other."
I hold his words in my heart as a talisman and protection against the meanness in myself.
I clasp them as a mantra, so my heart will not harden.
I hold the truths of non violence Gandhi practiced as aspiration. 
I believe under the light of kindness some of the ills of the world would be soothed. 
Or is this a fairy tale?  Has the world psyche simply gotten too far out of hand?  And are we too ill to see that we are living unwell?

Is simply 'being kind' enough in today's complex entwined world?  As the weave and patterning of terror becomes more apart of our daily lives and the strata of world inequities becomes more apparent are acts of kindness enough?  How do we explain to our children that sick people sometimes do sick things for no apparent reason.  The unpredictability of life in and of itself  can be terrifying. And sometimes wild cruel acts are in-sighted by social, economic, or political agendas. And sometimes horrible acts are instigated by illness and are terrifying and incomprehensible. And sometimes the most simplistic understanding is framed as 'mean'.

It hurts me when our children have to ask why is the world so mean? Our children observe that they are not safe on planes, or in schools, or on the streets.  Is this the best we can do? Acts of sickness/illness in society are both reflected and indicative of what we are creating. 
Will we wake up?

I just returned from a conference on peace several weeks ago.  I was heartened by so many folks in the world working toward peaceful change.  And this is where I choose to focus.

I have a friend who through her own bout with mental illness is in the process of creating a forum for others with mental illness so awareness and healing can take place.  I know a young man who has just made a beautiful film about living more sustainably in the world.  I have friends who volunteer in many places bringing their gifts and compassion to those who are under-served.  I know teachers bringing critical thinking into their class room lessons and passing on tools to students so they will have broader understandings when navigating this complicated world.  I know kids who plant their own gardens and are raised in families who understand that the earth is sustainable as long as we are in alignment with earth's laws.  I know a man who adopted three kids whose parents died of aids when he was 20 years old. He supports and cares for these kids and has made sure they have received a good education.  So yes people have the capacity for 'being mean' and for also being kind.

I don't always understand or comprehend the motivations of such crazy acts as killing yourself and plane full of people on purpose.  Sometimes these acts are so terrifying and outcomes so 'mean' and raw that they anger and frighten me too.  I want to shake everything and yell 'STOP!'
The collective wake of grief and pain these acts create is experienced by us all.  I can't even imagine the shock, the anger and the grief the parents of those exchange students aboard that deliberately crashed plane yesterday are experiencing today or the loved ones of others who perished on this flight are feeling.

I would explain to that 16 year old that yes we human beings have a wide capacity.  And I feel it is my job to weave a kinder place, every day, no matter how hard it is.  And that it is my job to find kindness inside myself so I can bring that kindness to others.  No matter how difficult that is.  I would tell him that the world may be 'mean' and it is my job to reach through the meanness as best I can and find some good.  I would be honest and share that these crazy acts scare me too.

I would emphasize that each small act of kindness changes our own hearts and therefore matters.  And that there are silent cries for help that are unheard or ignored daily that can grow into unthinkable actions if left untended.   And if I harden myself against the world, that I too become 'mean'.  I would be honest and say I don't always like or understand these seemingly insane acts or the cruelty caused by them.  And I don't know if we will evolve to a place where violence is no longer an attractive way of gaining attention or problem solving. 

Yet together one by one we each can and do make a difference each day. 
I would tell him I believe in kindness and that kindness matters.

Have a sweet weekend all.
And angel well out there. 



  

Angeling: A practice

Morning Angels

Presently I am 'angeling' in Texas.  I'm here helping out my Mom. Two weeks ago my Mom had a stroke.  The stroke hit her swiftly and was located in the cerebellum.  Mom's balance has been affected and her right side weakened.  All other operating systems check out just fine and Mom is recovering well.  

Now, 15 days after her stroke my Mom can saunter slowly along with the help of a cane. The physical therapists in the rehab unit had to remind her to slow down.  Mom's attitude is one of triumph.  My Mom feels as if she has dodged a bullet and is grateful knowing that a full recovery is in sight.  And as her brain rewires, I notice slight improvements daily.   

My Mom is not a women who enjoys being catered too.  She is the one usually in charge. Still strong and independent at 87 years old, My Mom is at the gym 5 days a week. Mom still lives alone and though her sight is greatly impaired she runs a successful house hold.  She has raised four strong willed children. Mom is a planner and still hosts family holidays in her home. The large dinning room table is set with fine china days before any of us will sit there and food preparations always begin months in advance.  Having all her family around one big table brings Mom joy.

For many years my relationship with my Mom has been complicated. 
Today I cook and clean for her.  She is the queen and captain of her home and I have willingly signed on as first mate on this tightly run ship.  Occasionally Mom barks orders and I answer aye yi, and follow Captain Mom's orders to a T.

I veiw my time as care giver for Mom through the eyes of a Karma Yogi and find being in service a blessing.  Mom is gracious and accepting of my mainly vegetarian cooking style.  She tells her friends when they call, "Oh yes Eva is here and caring for me. All our meals are gourmet."  My cooking is well received and for this I am grateful.  Personally I am not here as servant,  I am here because she is my Mom. 

Caring for aging parents or children is a practice of love.  Viewing my time here in Dallas with Mom as a yoga practice, is helping us both.  Mom's an able adult and has her own way of doing things.  My job is to keep the order she understands. This is an important part of my practice. Helping my Mom feel 'safe' by providing safety through order.  This in turn allows my Mom ease.  Mom can relax and her energy can be directed toward healing rather than the maintenance of space.    

Mom gifted 'You've been Angeled' angels to many who cared for her in the hospital. I was touched she honored me and the medical community with our creations.  A nurse named Renato was overwhelmed by Mom's gifting, hugging her twice! It was very touching.

Mom is proud of what my sister and I do in the world and we're proud of her!

Angel well my beauties!  Hugs

Things Fleeting

Yesterday I turned off the news.
I find the world filled with so much sensation.
I wonder where the 'good' inside us lives..

Shakespeare's quote from Macbeth:  "The evil men do lives after them, the good is oft interred in their bones." 

Oh the good lives in our bones.

We are bombarded by information. The frequency of news cast upon us as onslaught is not helping.
I feel myself become more defended against while listening to so much suffering rather than being compelled to move toward easing the torment.
I do what I can within my own community.  I know there is so more I can be do.   I find myself feeling helpless in the face of it all.

I feel manipulated by agendas. Why is this particular organization highlighting that bit of information at this time and choosing to leave equally compelling information out? What governments protocol is being slanted by the news reported and to what end? Unknowingly we are fed and become pawns to incentives that ultimately will not calm the storms. 

How do you and I become the angels we are in the midst of it all?  How do we grow and hold our light in the world?  There are many who hold small lamps of faith within the most terrifying of circumstance.  Can we help these lamp lighters, those aligned with good, and support their works of light? Can we feed our own light and strengthen our ability to be the change we choose to bring with what ever gifts we have?

I want to leave you this Friday with a quote from the Radiance Sutras translated by Loren Roche Phd.
 
In the wonder of something greater than all I could say or comment on, I find the beauty spoken of in these sutras so enlivening and compelling. 
 

'One day The Goddess sang to her lover Bhairava,

Beloved and radiant Lord of the space before birth,
  Revealer of essence,
Slayer of the ignorance that binds us,

You, who in play have created this universe
and permeated all forms in it with never-ending truth.
I have been wondering . . .

I have been listening to the songs of creation,
I have heard the sacred sutras being sung,
and yet still I am curious.

What is this delight-filled universe
into which we find ourselves born?

What is this mysterious awareness shimmering
everywhere within it?

What are these instinctive energies
that undulate through our bodies,
moving us into action?

And this “matter” out of which our forms are made –
What are these dancing particles of condensed radiance,
Are they an illusionist’s projection?

What is this power we call Life,
appearing as the play of flesh and breath?
How may I know this mystery and enter it more deeply?

Beloved, my attention is ensnared by a myriad of forms,
the innumerable individual entities everywhere.

Lead me into the wholeness beyond all these parts.

You, who hold the mysteries in your hand –
of will, knowledge and action,
Reveal to me the path of illumined knowing.

Lead me into joyous union
with the life of the universe.

Teach me that I may know it fully,
realize it deeply,
and breathe in the truth of it.

1.
The One Who is Intimate to All Beings said,
Beloved, your questions require the answers that come
through direct living experience.

The way of experience begins with a breath
such as the breath you are breathing now.
Awakening into the luminous reality
may dawn in the momentary throb
between any two breaths.

The breath flows in and just before it turns
to flow out,
there is a flash of pure joy –
life is renewed.
Awaken into that.

As the breath is released and flows out,
there is a pulse as it turns to flow in.

In that turn, you are empty.
Enter that emptiness as the source of all life.'


Sweet weekend to you all.
Angel well my beauties.

  

 

You've Been Angeled

My Sister and I have a small business called You've Been Angeled.  When folks ask me what 'You've Been Angeled' is about, I say, "It's about stepping into 'Angeldom' and 'Angeling' the world one angel at a time."  The general response is "Awesome" or "You've got to be kidding".  Or my favorite, "You must be mad!"  Or the dismissive "How cute..."

They'd put me away in some far away dark place if they knew I was actually serious.  I believe inspiring each other to step into our best selves, will change the world!  Naive, maybe, and maybe not.  Folks inspire each other all the time.  We know necessity is the mother of invention and creativity. And these days the news around us affords and encourages us toward calculated creative heights! 

I believe all of us at our core are good.  I believe we do want the best for ourselves, our families, our neighbors, our planet, and the world at large.  I believe stepping into a spirit of generosity toward all living things is good for everyone.  Yes we have horrible disruptive forces at play in the world, and I believe stepping into goodness may be disruptive in a different way and perhaps a bit more life affirming.  I know I'm not alone within this belief.  Zoe Weil speaks of creating 'solutionaries' in her treatise on Humane Education,  Charles Eisenstein tells us: "A more beautiful world is possible".  And many elders from many nations pray and encourage us to wake up and remember who we are.

Did you know being generous opens hearts! Did you know kindness really does pave pathways toward understanding? And when we're happier and kinder, we behave better and the stories we live for ourselves, each other, and the planet are more positive and productive. 

The old tales of interconnection still live amongst us. These stories can be found hiding between cracks of mountains, within branches of whispering trees, and running along the banks of babbling streams. They can be found in hearts of aid workers or in the hands of neighbor who shovels a walk other than their own. I know you've heard the helpful songs in your own backyard.  I choose to affirm and honor these stories,  for the substance found in these tales, is what earth and angels are born from.

How many of us saw Avatar and like the main character Jake Sully, a wounded x marine, did not want to leave the inter-dimensional world woven on the big screen in 3D before us.  A world where connection within the spirit world and nature remains intact.  A place inside us pines for the recognition that we are still connected to the mythic tree of life portrayed in the story.  Within the onscreen life of Avatar, we remembered ourselves as whole spirits re-connected to everyone and everything.  We remembered how we longed for this world, a place where how we behave mattered to everything. Within this big screen world, we again subconsciously realized that we as individuals had worth in the collective calling of life.  As the screen went dark and the lights from the theater emerged our souls ached... for we remembered.

The angels sit with me and remind me that stories of a world laced together are alive and well. These stories are still felt in many sacred places and in many hearts. Madison avenue is invested in tearing us from the root of connection.  When we understand we are whole, we may not need to 'buy' out of lack.  When we understand that stones and rivers can sing to us, we may be reminded of our own true voice. This voice speaks and tells us that we are enough in the face of of everything.  This belief of 'being complete' will sustain us and give us courage. We will understand we no longer have to take everything our planet has to offer in destructive ways in order to be whole.  We will trust that we can live affordable sustainable lives.  The beautiful world we inhabit daily can and will teach us.  Our job is to listen.

This is the story I and the angels choose to tell.

Angel House

Today it rains
It's been a beautiful summer.
The last breaths whisper.
My house, this summer, has held us well.

Why am I writing about the house?
Because the beat of old peeling trim paint being scraped is present, or a new roof may be needed, or that the pipes have been cleaned this summer which means the drains no longer clog? Or that perhaps, I am thinking about an energy audit...
Honestly, I don't know.

This summer has been the summer of the house, my house, and all she has held.
Ana my eldest and Serena my youngest have both been home.
For Ana the house has held her in love. And Adam and Ana have spooned here, partied here, fished here, kayaked here, danced here, and even worked here.

Serena has returned from Argentina. And she has had 'circle party fires' here, friends from 'away' here, the first 'my mother is away party here'...cooked here, and even her birthday bash here!

My house is officially bi-lingual. Spanish is spoken here now almost as much as English. Ana worked for Americore from here with the Latino population. (the kitchen table became her sometime office). Serena 'i-ams' and 'chats' with friends in Spanish more than English.

The land where the house sits holds two gardens, crows, and wood-peckers. So many tomatoes grow in the gardens, and when you walk in today, the smells of homemade tomato sauce greet you. I have cooked a lot here this summer. My new favorite dish is 'summer squash in EVERYTHING'!

And for me the house has held feeders that have allowed me to watch hummingbirds sip each morning. I usually hear them before I see them. The sound upon waking; a muffled brigade of helicopters. My sleep fogged eyes observe them from bed. Yes I am lucky enough to live in a place where my summer alarm clock is the sound of humming birds wings beating.

The house has brought me sweet encounters this summer.
Old friends have weeded in the garden and tamed tomatoes with me. I have painted here and healed here.
A wedding (not my own) was celebrated here. We danced and partied!

This house has heart... angels are birthed here, tears are honored here, love is found here, friends congregate here, people work here, nature abounds here, prayers are held here, even conflicts are resolved here, and many find comfort here.

My house is more than a roof, she holds us well.
When you visit you will know the love of this house...

Angel Cycles..

Oh so much to write about.
The day is glorious. The wind and temperture just right. Feeling stable on my 20 mile loop and this is good! It's wonderful moving toward fitness again.

For the record I love Hurican Road in Falmouth Maine. I find the mix of hills to open vistas breath taking... and the road is placed just right, with in the mix of riding that has gone before. I think I will be adding another road that will take me deeper into Falmouth. However, Hurrican Rd. will remain on my route. My private goal is to establish a base of 30 miles at least 4 times a week. I can do this time wise, if I'm on the road by 5:30 a.m.

I don't have my personal fueling down yet. I don't do well on just sugars. Fruit or otherwise...protein and fat have to be in the mix.

And this is not what I really want to talk about.

I love to ride my bike.
Is this silly?
I love being on road in the stillness of morning, being with my breath and all the morning sounds, colors, and smells

... then there is the shadow..

Sometimes I forget where I am, and anxiety rises up.
I'm distracted,
pulled away by so many thoughts. My focus...lost.

FINALLY I HEAR: Yield to the Present!
And, thankfully, attention shifts. My senses now in command.
Heart and mind are pulled back into the viseral. Is my heart beating too hard?
How is the air caressing my skin this morning? Am I over or under dressed?
The cadence of my peddle stroke, can I even it out?
The smell of French Lilacs and Balsam and Pine.
Fresh laid manure on fields.
The light dancing off dewed grasses.
Oh, and look horses! and..
(Did you know we have a place to board cats in Falmouth Maine!)

Yes I pull myself away from self indulgence into
Fueled freedom of being on a bike,
Alberto said to me during a special walk we took through the desert in New Mexico:

Eva your bike is your Power Animal...
My Bike is my magician. My bike is a Merlin!
The rhythm of wheels grazing pavement charms me.
And my ears are hyper-tuned.
I know by the sound of my bike when something is not right!

Sound alerts me:

as I watch out for pot holes and
listen for cars that come too close

Cycling allows me to begin my day with magic and motion.

So simple.

Angel daughter

Yesterday my daughter arrived.
Full of zest fun and warmth.
The kid is gorgeous.
Where did she come from this tall, dark skinned beauty.

An old friend is with her. I pick them both up at the bus station.
We come home and cook dinner together. I am glad to have them here and to listen to there stories and watch them cuddle like puppies. They whisper and talk in short hand, the language of two.
He has lived in Kenya for the past three years with a women from Chicago, who moved there with him. They live in a remote village that takes many hours of travel by bus and ferry to reach. He fishes and works very hard providing food and shelter for himself and his partner, and for three children who live with them who have been orphaned by aids. He provides funds for schooling these children as well. He speaks of the many hours he works. He has built his own house, survived a poisonous snake bite sweating in the sun, and is building a center around aids education and awareness. Many boys come to Adam's house after school. They feel safe and welcome. Adam is 23 years old.

Ana loves Adam. They have been friends and grown together for so many years.
We talk of the sadness in Adam's eyes and our concern for him.
His eyes are milky. Looks like soul loss to me. I wonder about his heart.
Ana talks about loving him enough in the two months they are together in Maine, so he can remember his love. She says Mom, "Adam is a lover. This is what he does best. This is who he is. The women he lives with in Africa is wounded and does not love him well."

My daughter has learned to love to love. She does not love to possess or require undo commitment. I can learn from her. She is fearless in this regard.
She is 22 and alive.