Angel discipline Angel fun

It’s 2:30 a.m. and I’m up and thinking about writing.

The angel project is teaching me so much. The self-imposed limitation of color in the project has me a bit stymied. I keep wondering if each angel is ‘interesting’ enough. I want to vary sizes or change this and that. I want to keep pushing boundaries and in this project the way it’s presently conceived, there are limitations. I want to push against the boundaries that I have created and run from the ‘problems’ that I’ve imposed. To finish one flight of 108 angels and see it hung on the wall, will tell me so much.

Where is ‘fun’ in the project and joy? Sometimes it’s simply about showing up and working. When this project is complete perhaps I will have learned something deep about ‘practice.” This piece, the shear longevity of it, is teaching me something about sticking with something and about belief.

I want to run from the angels daily, and I want to be with them.
I create other paintings in my head while I work, I think about other ways of working with the project. While I work, a good amount of energy is spent planning other pieces or on expansion of the present ideas rather than total present immersion in the present project. When I tell people about the mission of the angel’s and about the expression of ‘activism and prayer and a call toward aliveness, people usually say, “Sounds like your having fun!” Or “What fun!”

When folks come and visit and see the grid of 108 angels mapped out on my kitchen floor they are a bit astounded at the scope of the project. Fun, hmmm… So I looked a the definition of fun and here’s what I found:


• activities that are enjoyable or amusing; "I do it for the fun of it"; "he is fun to have around"
• verbal wit or mockery (often at another's expense but not to be taken seriously); "he became a figure of fun"; "he said it in sport"
• violent and excited activity; "she asked for money and then the fun began"; "they began to fight like fun"
• playfulness: a disposition to find (or make) causes for amusement; "her playfulness surprised me"; "he was fun to be with"

I was surprised by the definition around violence and fun. Any way this morning I am determined to bring more joy and exploration back into the angels. The larger scope is getting in the way of the wisdom of completing one angel at a time.

My neighbor Chris came in and gifted me with a story about the writer Amy Lamont’s brother who was assigned an a paper about birds when he was a young boy. The task of writing frightened him so much that he couldn’t complete his essay. Their father who is also a writer came in at the eleventh hour and counseled the boy. “ The way you complete the paper is one bird at a time.” I smiled. Yes the way to complete this project is one angel at a time. The reality, with all the other prep work there is still to complete, is I can realistically complete two to two and half angels a day.

So I will bring amusement and curiosity back into the project. I will not think about self-imposed deadlines. I will work on staying present with the angels. This becomes my work at the moment. Strange once again spending so much time on something that brings in no money.

Trust, commitment, and faith.

My friend Gina told me yesterday about an exhibit of Inuit women artists she had seen. She remembered reading that after child rearing, many older women became artists. They became the recorders of life through art. Art making was important. I found in my limited research some truth in that statement. However, the economic incentive was always mentioned first. Inuit women’s drawings, carvings, and prints were well received in the market place. The women found art making supported themselves and their families:

"Through art production women both experienced and described the changes that were occurring in Inuit culture. Art was one way they had of supporting themselves and their families when income was scarce. It was also a way to express and preserve their culture."

I feel my role as a women artist now in my 50's is changing. As a grandmother, I want to begin the discussion of eldership, and awaken the mission of stewardship and promote the possibility of kindness and acceptance. As I’ve said before art is becoming my small way of ringing an alarm and reminding folks that we have to come to together and address larger issues.

Art is also about visioning. I become one of the weavers of vision and not simply a chicken little who shouts the sky is falling…

I want to be one who carries a whole vision of humanness. I want to call to our innate remembrance of connective-ness. Art is still a soul call. It is quiet. There is resonance here that the soul understands. I want to sing and paint so our souls remember and play together well.
Art is a call: soul to soul.