Angel Grief (again)

I met with the Center for Grieving Children today. Paul Golding and Susan Giambalvo are lovely caring folks. The Centers mission is simple: to provide loving support to grieving children, teens, families and the community through peer support, outreach, and education.
The Angels may be hosted by the center as a fund raising event. My dream to weave art into community and having these angels help fuel good causes throughout Maine and perhaps the world is beginning to come to fruition.

When I toured the center I almost burst into tears. I was touched by the work many people are doing to help others as they traverse the terrain of loss. I was touched by the possibility of working with this caring organization. Weaving the gifts I carry has been a dream. Allowing my art and energy work to blend together in service of community, has been a goal of mine. The grief I still carry in my own heart was also touched. I never look at what is being given as an accident. I wonder what children inside myself may still be grieving…

I have written before about grief. Grief has many faces and has it’s own time. After grief has run it’s course, it does not mean we go back to being who we were before the a loss. We do put ourselves back together and we are different. I find on my journey with grief, I don’t replace the loss, more it becomes part of the fabric I become as a new reorganized whole.

I have lost time by holding back grief. I sometimes grieve this lost time. I have lost those I loved. Through divorce, I have lost the dream of a relationship with my children’s father into the next stages of life. I have lost pets. I have lost my father. I have lost relatives. Early on I lost friends who died of aids in there 20’s. I have lost myself in relationships. I have lost my children who are now almost grown. I find myself today in a fertile place of regrouping. There are no short cuts. It is a journey. It is a remembering. It is a re-weaving. It is organizing into a new story. Not always straight.


Still, in times when I am in the midst of experiencing sadness and loss, I find I am not ‘broken’. Overwhelmed, yet not broken. I am feeling all of it:
Hurt, loss, regret, hopelessness, loneliness, anger, and frustration. Some how I know I will make it through. I guess age has something to do with this knowledge. The experience of being with loss, does not necessarily ease the pain, but is helpful. I have howled with hurt, like a wolf crying for a slain mate. I know the depth of that pain.

My trip to the Center has inspired me. May the angels inspire others on their journey. I am ready to devote a good portion of my life toward the creation of wholeness through this project. I guess I have found a mission and this feels very good! Curious where the road will lead and if I will have the courage to follow…