Angel Tide

Had the good fortune of having Fredda and Leslie Paul staying with me this weekend.
He is one of my teachers. I go to him when I have deep questions.
Fredda is a patient and loving advisor. He has been through a lot and knows how to take life in stride and still walk forward. This morning we spoke of prayer. We spoke of sadness. We spoke of being alone and being in community. We spoke of how the telephone has robbed of us deeper ways of listening. We spoke of how the elders walk and communicate. Most of all we spoke of how to pray with the tides. And he reminded it is stronger when we pray for others, and not to ask spirit for ourselves directly. He explained that all prayers ARE about us.

I take comfort in his words and in his slow being. If you want to talk with Fredda you have to be on elder time. If your elder teaches at 4 a.m. you wake at 4 a.m. even if this is not your natural way. Teachings are slower than we Americans are accustomed and I find I have to listen between the spaces of what is spoken. Today he spoke of staying on the road. Staying the course Spirit has placed in front of us. I appreciate this advice. When I am hurting, I want to run. He told me the story of how as a kid he was walking with his grandmother and his grandmother said "Grandson I don't want you to take a short cut. I want you to walk with me." Of course, Fredda being young and not fully listening, ran off in front of his Grandmother winding his way in search of a faster way. He ended up falling. His Grandmother did not see him. She went back on the road to where she had last seen him, and she listened. Finally she was guided toward the way he had come. He was sitting on the ground his ankle strained. She gathered ground moss and wrapped his ankle and said: “Grand Son I am going to go ahead. When your ankle feels better please get up and meet me at the clearing.” Fredda waited for half an hour and when his ankle pain eased, he got up and did what his Grand Mother had instructed. She was waiting patiently for him and said, “Grand Son I think you have a teaching story now.” She gazed at him with love and said, "Beware of short-cuts, and stay on the well traveled road."

I asked Fredda, “How do you know when you are on the right road?” He calmly gazed at me and said, “Your heart will tell you. It's best not to chase and hunt. Follow the prayer I spoke with you about this morning and you will know. I can’t tell you everything; some lessons are for you to learn. I am here however as a guide.”

Lately the lessons of heart are many. The Buddhist speaks of suffering. I have trouble with the word 'suffering'. Even when I hurt the most, I have not attached suffering to my hurt. I may feel horrible. I may feel sad, or betrayed, or angry, or stuck, etc. and yet I don't feel as if I'm suffering... Don't exactly know why. My feeling feelings can be over whelming and I can be sucked into them. When I sit and listen deeply it's usually a struggle between not liking what is, having to feel what is and the acceptance of the lack of power I have to change what is. Yes, back to my old friend acceptance. Oil Spills that kill and maim our environment, I personally have no power over. I do have a choice whether I want to continue using oil as a heating agent. The sadness and lack of my power collide and it is this inability to change present 'isness', my powerlessness, which frustrates me. The frustration can override and confuse the original feeling. I can't make it different sometimes sucks! I can't change someones mind. I can't dive to the bottom of the ocean and cap a leaking well.
I can pray for the best outcomes that are in service toward a greater awareness and understanding. As the AA creed states: 'Accept what I have power over and where I am powerless and the wisdom to know the difference.' The only person I can change is me. As my awareness deepens, I understand how this simple understanding has merrit. Feelings will shift eventually...

Fredda said to me today. “Eva I will feel you when are praying and I will pray with you. The prayers however are yours. I can simply stand by.”

I will deepen into this practice for the next month, experimenting with praying during high tide, so my prayers can be amplified through the waters, and as the waters turn, my prayers can merge into the vast ocean.

I will return latter and listen to what answers have arrived on the crest of the returning tide.